Self-styled son of 'Mau Mau' is down, almost out, and he's dancing 'Anguka Nayo'

Things are boiling nicely, to use the street lingo preferred by Gen-Z, the lot that Deputy Prezzo Rigathi Gachagua aka Riggy G is alleged to have rallied in his abortive power grab last June.

Even by Kenya Kwanza’s inventive standards—they unveiled the wheelbarrow as the special purpose vehicle to power, before permanently discarding it—no one saw this coming.

I don’t know if it’s naivette or pragmatism, even Riggy G did not think he could be used and dumped, as has happened. But I’m rushing the story, let’s start from the beginning. The fizzy moniker “Riggy G” was invented by a Gen-Z enthusiast. By contrast, the same lot coined a derogatory moniker for Prezzo Bill Ruto, christening him “Zakayo,” after the notorious biblical tax collector. So, it’s safe to say Riggy G quickly gained traction with the youth.

The gospel according to Kenya Kwanza, as contained in the impeachment motion now before Parliament is that Riggy G plotted the ouster of a popularly elected Prezzo by sponsoring Gen-Z protests. Perhaps folks in government have a point; Riggy G styles himself as the son of “Mau Mau” the original renegades who routed the Brits from our midst. If they could do that to the mighty British empire, how about States built on wheelbarrows?

The irony of ironies is that Parliament, a popular laundromat that routinely sanitises thieves, rapists, murderers and charlatans of different shades, is now set to sully the reputation of the self-styled truthful man. The roles have been changed, kabisa.

To add injury to this insulting ignominy, Parliament claims Riggy G is a petty thief who has reportedly stolen a mere Sh5.2 billion in the two years he has been in office. For context, it is estimated that a billion is stolen from public coffers each day.

There is more. The plaint before Parliament also states that Riggy G has been so brazenly “tribal.” His detractors say by using indigenous business names like “Wamunyoro Enterprises,” Riggy G is entrenching “tribal” identity.

Here’s the thing: men (and I suspect women, too), memorialise their places of origin in business names, so “Wamunyoro” has been singled out as evidence of Riggy G’s village-leaning prejudices. It did not help matters that the two hotels Riggy G is alleged to have bought are in his home county of Nyeri.

If the establishments were purchased or leased—take it from Riggy G, the national intelligence folks have no idea what they are talking about—he did not hide that fact or build hotels on grabbed public road reserves.

Hotel matters aside, Riggy G’s forays in Mt Kenya for prayer and meditation were seen as gestures that further alienated people who espouse different faiths, since the DP is a symbol of national unity.

There was similar opprobrium when Riggy G chastised the National Intelligence Service as incompetent, a comment seen as “treasonous” by exposing the nation to external threats by publicising its internal weaknesses.

Another element that’s highlighted in the motion for Riggy G’s removal is his insubordination. Nothing illustrates this better than Riggy G’s widely publicised walks, complete with his coterie of aides filming his every move, which were seen as a way of detracting attention from his boss.

But what broke the camel’s back, it is reported, was Riggy G’s decision to skip a church service in his backyard when Prezzo Ruto was visiting, exposing him to ridicule and humiliation.

From the foregoing, it appears that Riggy G has only one place to go, and that’s down. And since the DP is a man who lives close to nature, the analogy of a forest and primates is apt. The day that a monkey is fated to crush to the ground, all the trees prove slippery.

On this slippery slope, however, awaits an interesting possibility of Riggy G pushing major casualties to fill the hole they have dug for him, only as a proper ‘Mau Mau’ son can.