A customer's love language is trust in a word full of promises

Trust, they say, is earned when actions meet words. 

Longevity in business is all about building lasting relationships, and relationships do not just happen; they require a lot of effort to cultivate. 

Trust is the key element that holds relationships together. The theory of social penetration explains this concept well. 

The theory describes how interpersonal relationships evolve. Irwin Altman and Dalmas Taylor advanced it, positing that as people get to know each other, they tend to share more personal information, taking their interactions from surface-level topics to deeper, more intimate details. 

It uses the onion metaphor to illustrate human interactions, with the outer layers representing public, less intimate information, while the inner layers represent private, core aspects of one’s personality. 

According to the theory, four stages define how human interactions progress – orientation, exploratory affective, affective and stable exchange. A fifth stage, depenetration, can potentially develop when relationships decline. In the same way, a business can guide a customer through different phases until they become brand champions. 

This theory emphasises that customers experience different emotional states at each stage, and it is your responsibility to support them throughout. 

The critical stage of self-disclosure is the orientation stage, and this is where you should pay particular attention. Customers are often sceptical of your product or service, yet they still want to give you a chance. 

This is your opportunity to “hook” them. According to Joey Coleman in her book, Never Lose a Customer Again, she explains that the days following a purchase truly define the customer’s actual utility experience. 

This requires significant attention to the customer at this stage, especially if the product in question is new in the market or the onboarding process is complex. 

A good example is a smart home device, such as the Nest Learning Thermostat. The device’s selling point is its sleek design and energy-saving features. 

While many users purchase it with joy, they soon become frustrated because of its complex implementation and installation process after learning that this information was omitted during the onboarding process. 

In the context of building trust in customer experience, businesses can apply the social penetration theory to how they foster trust by progressively revealing their values, intentions, and reliability while at the same time encouraging customers to share their needs and feedback. At the orientation stage, interactions are surface-level, characterised by being cautious and polite and limited to safe, non-personal topics. Here, customers engage with the brand through initial touchpoints, such as ads, websites or basic enquiries. 

At this level, businesses should provide clear, professional, and accessible information like product details, pricing, and policies. 

Transparency at this stage builds initial trust. Customers may share limited information, including an email address for a newsletter.  To build trust, ensure your website has a user-friendly interface, clear branding, and verified reviews, which signal reliability.

This is likely to encourage customers to explore further. 

In the exploratory affective stage, there is increased disclosure and casual connection. 

Here, interactions become more frequent and slightly personal, with customers sharing more about their preferences or needs, while businesses reveal more about their processes or values. Businesses can capitalise on this by using personalised communication, such as tailored recommendations and responsive customer service, to show they understand customers’ needs. 

Customers could provide feedback, preferences, or account details. A company can respond promptly to a customer’s query on social media, addressing concerns and offering a personalised discount, prompting the customer to share more information about their unique needs. The affective stage is characterised by deeper engagement and emotional bond. Trust deepens as both parties share more personal or sensitive information, with interactions reflecting mutual understanding and emotional investment. 

Businesses can demonstrate reliability through detailed feedback, consistent service, loyalty programmes, or proactive problem-solving. Customers, on the other hand, share detailed feedback, personal data, or commit to repeat purchases. 

To build trust, offer a loyalty reward tailored to a customer’s purchase history, as the customer shares a detailed review or refers friends, indicating stronger trust. 

The interaction then progresses to the stable stage, marked by high trust and an intimate relationship.  There is mutual trust, openness, and predictability, with both parties comfortable enough to share sensitive information while expecting reliability.

It is an opportunity for businesses to maintain transparency, deliver consistent value, and foster community, such as exclusive events and co-creation opportunities. 

Customers, on the other hand, advocate for the brand, share personal stories, or provide constructive criticism to improve the experience. As a trust-building effort, a company could invite loyal customers to a feedback panel to shape future products while customers openly share insights. This makes them feel valued and invested in the brand’s success. As indicated earlier, there is also the possibility of the relationship declining (depenetration). If trust is breached or needs change, self-disclosure decreases, and the relationship may weaken or end. 

Trust may erode if a business fails to deliver, for example, through poor service or data breaches. In this case, the customer withdraws engagement, stops sharing or switches to competitors. In such an event, the company needs to quickly swing into action to address service failure with an apology, compensation, and corrective action, forestalling customer disengagement. 

The key to building trust, as demonstrated in these stages, is for businesses to strike a balance in asking for customer data, such as through surveys, while providing value. 

Asking for too much customer data too soon, including extensive forms, can hinder trust. This calls for gradual, respectful engagements to align with the social penetration theory’s progression. At each stage, businesses must be transparent about their intentions and consistent in delivering on their promises to deepen trust. 

- The writer is the founder, The Loop Consulting, and an adjunct lecturer at a local private university