Woman recounts final goodbye to her husband before Todonyang attack

One week after the Todonyang attack families of the missing 20 people are living in agony.

Lilian Eregai, a mother of two, recounts the chaos that unfolded on that fateful Saturday before her husband went missing.

"I was with him along the shore of the lake," she recalls, her voice breaking.

"He knew something was about to happen. He looked at me and said, Lilian, go. Let me go fish. Go look after the children. Tell them I love them.”

“With those final words, he said, goodbye, and I watched him paddle away, less than 400 meters from where I stood."

• .

  Keep Reading

• 
  Road tax tyranny: How State plans to raid Kenyans' pockets in Sh4.8tr roads toll policy
• 
  Militia seizes Kenyan waters as fishing feuds turn deadly
• 
  How Todonyang massacre left helpless widows struggling to live
• 
  Todonyang reels from bloodletting horror

But moments later, the peaceful scene was disrupted by heavy gunfire.

"I heard the gunshots. It all happened so quickly. I turned and saw his boat rocking. He had slipped into the lake," she says.

 "Little did I know, those were his last words to me. I never thought that was the last time I would see him, that he would never come back."

 In the wake of the violent attack, Lilian has been left with the difficult task of taking care of their children as hope fades for Todonyang attack survivors.

"I could have jumped in after him, hoping to join him, but I couldn’t," she says, tears welling in her eyes. "I thought of my children. I couldn’t leave them."

The attack, which was carried out by suspected Dassanech militia, is believed to have wiped out many villagers.

Lilian stood helpless as the militia indiscriminately fired at their target.

"I watched as people jumped into the lake, trying to escape the gunmen. But most never resurfaced. The gunmen were relentless," Lilian recalls.

"I had to keep moving, even though every part of me wanted to stay and mourn him. But I couldn’t. I had to survive."

Now, Lilian is left with the unbearable pain of searching for her husband.

"I need to bury him," she says, her voice filled with desperation. "I need to lay him to rest so I can begin to heal. But right now, all I have are the memories and the pain of losing him in such a brutal way."

Lilian appeals to the government to assist her in finding the remains of her husband.

"The government should help us," she says, clenching her fist. "We deserve answers. We deserve to know what happened to our loved ones. The authorities haven’t done enough to help us find the remains of my husband."

For now, Lilian is trying to stay strong for her children.

"Every day is a struggle," she says. "I don’t know how to keep going, but I have to for them. They need me, even though part of me wants to join him. But I have to be strong for them."

For Damaris Epun she wakes up with unanswered questions after the Todonyang attack.

“Where is he?”

Her heart is heavy as she carries the baby she was supposed to raise with her husband, a baby he may never get to see.

She’s expecting her sixth child, yet the joy that should accompany new life is consumed by grief.

“I am carrying a child, and my other five children keep asking where their father is,” Damaris says her voice shaking.

“I don’t know how to explain to them why he isn’t here. What will I tell my unborn baby when they grow up and ask where their father is?”

Each time her children call out for their father, her heart breaks. The sound of their innocent voices, full of hope and expectancy, is a constant reminder of what they’ve lost.