Dough-nation: Ruto's grand plan to feed the masses or charm them

I wanted to write about the tomfoolery surrounding the “new government of national unity” that brought two old friends-turned-foes-turned-friends again, but the unanimous revolt and revulsion from Kenyans suggested they said all there was to be said and then some.

So I will not revisit the marauding gangs that robbed Kenyans in broad daylight within the city and its environs, shaking down citizens as they went about their lives, pulling them out of matatus, breaking into vehicles that were still on the move, or carting away wares from hardware in the full glare of police officers. It underlines the government’s commitment to what they call the “rule of law.”

It was this “rule of law” that saw the banishment of former Deputy Prezzo Rigathi Gachagua aka Riggy G from the Harambee House, last year. Still, even by our suspect measure, this “rule of law” mantra gained new meaning as presidential visit heralded an opportunity to steal from Kenyans.

But that’s not my problem. What I am interested in probing is when and how it was determined that both Prezzo Ruto and the former doyen of opposition, Raila Odinga aka Baba, should face the people and explain their new union.

That, too, seems moot, as both visited different regions, with different outcomes. What stayed with Kenyans was Prezzo Ruto roadside declaration, and what could alter national policy and global geopolitics.

Never mind the online trolls about his one-million chapati-making machine that he committed to purchase for the county of Nairobi, ostensibly because the kitchen workers have been in the streets, protesting non-payment of their wages.

• .

  Keep Reading

• 
  Sifuna among political leaders denied entry into Angola
• 
  Win for Nyanza as Ruto's projects take shape
• 
  It is unrealistic to provide one million chapatis to pupils daily
• 
  Ridiculous Ruto: King of absurd promises amid stinging flattery on social media

I will not add the online slander characterising Prezzo Ruto as El-Chappo, the notorious Latin American drug lord, or comment on the caricature of his head in the shape of a chapatti, complete with blotches of black for eyes.

What has really captivated my attention is that for once, we are not dealing with inconsequential stuff like the sort of books we’re feeding our children, or the teacher-student ratio. We are, for once, consumed with what truly matters: stuffing our children’s bellies with chapati for better brain development.

This is what one would call a masterstroke, and it’s no surprise that Prezzo Ruto thought about it. By promising to procure, or invent, as none exists, a machine that can roll off a million chapatis a day, he achieved several milestones all rolled into one.

First off, I don’t think the intent is to replace those striking city workers with machines; on the contrary, those workers will add to the pool of our (wo)manpower for export because they are guaranteed pay abroad, when that’s not the case at home. And should things go awry abroad, as they often do, the Foreign Affairs Ministry under Musalia Mudavadi aka MaDvD has a decent kitty to repatriate such workers back home.

While some think that by inventing chapati as a staple, Prezzo Ruto, has entered a pantheon of world leaders who typify disconnect from the realities that confront those they lead, nothing could be further from the truth.

I think that Prezzo Ruto has spectacularly redefined the politics of “unga” (maize meal) that has captivated this nation for over 60 years to inaugurate new pathways of rethinking staples, and which builds on his previous pastime of providing “edible oils” in his first year of governance.

The last time I checked, this had turned into a formidable scam, as all major projects from Kenya Kwanza, as no subsidised oils ever made it to the shelves, same way no chapati will make it to the schools from Prezzo Ruto’s imaginary machine.

But that’s not a problem either. Prezzo’s chapati declaration is a viable socio-political and economic rethink that gestures toward global geopolitics. Why, the bulk of the wheat consumed in this country is imported from Ukraine, so if you can’t smell any aromas in the air, don’t blame it on Prezzo Ruto.