Ridiculous Ruto: King of absurd promises amid stinging flattery on social media

President William Ruto never seems to run out of promises; big, bold, and some bordering on the absurd.

He has not only mastered the art of roadside declarations, but also his boundless creativity when it comes to promises, grand and theatrical and even detached from reality.

This time, he has outdone himself with a striking pledge. President Ruto pledged a machine that churns out one million chapatis daily. The promise, made during his meet-the-people tour in Mathare on Tuesday, was in response to Nairobi Governor Johnson Sakaja’s request to support his Dishi na County feeding project for public schools.

The internet had a field day. Social media platforms were flooded with AI-generated jokes and memes of conveyor belts spitting out flatbreads at lightning speed as mockery for the idea.

Ruto’s flair for dramatic pledges has become a defining feature of his presidency and this time, children have found themselves swept up in the president’s wave of promises. But if Kenyans have learned anything from their president, it’s that no promise is too outrageous.

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This is, after all, the same leader who has pledged everything from instant job creation to turning Kenya into a digital superpower, and now, Kenyans are adding mass chapati production to the list of national priorities.

“The governor has requested me to buy a chapati-making machine to add chapati to the Dishi ya Nairobi (sic). I will buy you a machine and the governor should go look for one that can make one million chapati,” Ruto said.

Still in Mathare, Ruto threw in another promise. Turning Mathare slum into a city. He promised Mathare residents city status through construction of skyscraping social and affordable houses and regeneration of polluted rivers.

A day after his chapati promise to students of St Teresa Girls Secondary School in Mathare, the President again was on the road in his meet-the-people tours in Nairobi making more promises.

Addressing students at PC Kinyanjui Technical Training Institute, Ruto assured them that their High Education Loan Board (HELB) money would hit their accounts by Friday, and if it didn’t, they should just call him.

The President almost gave out his personal number but then decided to delegate the minor inconvenience to Dagoretti South MP John Kiarie.

“There was a problem with the HELB board but I have instructed them to ensure by Friday the money will be released to students by Friday. If the money will not be in your accounts, by Friday, call me. I will have to streamline some people,” Ruto promised.

This isn’t the first time Ruto has led Kenyans on a wild goose chase. Remember the last-mile internet connectivity pledge? The one where every home and marketplace was supposed to become a Wi-Fi hotspot? Traders were meant to be making calls without ever getting disconnected, basking in the glory of seamless internet access.

Well, Kenyans are still waiting.

On June 29, 2022 during the campaigns, Ruto promised that the same way Kenya attained the Last Mile Connectivity Programme which aimed at universal access to electricity, he would take up last mile connectivity of the internet to every corner of the country.

“The same way we implemented the last mile of electricity, now we will do the last mile of the internet. Tutatumia kila nyumba, kila soko, kila shule mahali kuna stima ya grind pia sasa tutaweka last mile (We will use every house, every market, every school where there is a grind mill, and now we will install the last mile),” he explained.

He was categorical about markets where traders were to be connected to hotspots to ensure they could call and browse for free without getting disconnected. “Many people are struggling with bundles...in the market, you won’t need bundles to make calls, because as we build a road to transport our goods, we must have a government digital road so that you don’t have to pay to use the road, you only pay for what you have bought,” Ruto said.

“Biashara katika masoko yenu, simu utakuwa unapiga free of charge, simu haitakuwa inakatika kwa sababu sasa tutakuwa tumedeploy internet (You will be making calls free of charge at your business in the markets, the calls will not be disconnected because now we will have deployed internet),” he added.

Ruto made the outlandish promise of internet installation during the launch of Kiambu Hustlers Fund in 2022.

He had also estimated that the project would require Sh38 billion to push internet to every household. Late last year, the President also announced to that his government had paid Sh500 million in its bid to host the Grammys in 2027 - the world’s premier music awards event only held in the US. “We already paid Sh500 million and I’ am sure the gentleman from Grammys can confirm that that is the direction we are going,” Ruto said during a Town Hall meeting at KICC.

But perhaps the president’s most memorable promise, and one that Kenyans are unlikely to let go is his obsession with digital spaces and digital jobs- the one that at one point was a source of content for social media over the ‘Taptengelei dollars’.

President Ruto talked about the youth tapping their computer keyboards and watch dollars rain into their accounts-to insinuate the opportunities available in the digital spaces and how they can be exploited to reduce unemployment.

“It is said that when going for battle, you approach it from both sides, right and left. Why is it hard for you to tap the computer here in Taptengelie and make dollars? You can be here in the village but working for a company in the US. You will just be pressing the computer, go home and wait for the dollar to come out,” Ruto said.

In response to criticism, Ruto said the digital opportunities would benefit jobless Kenyan youth. “Many people were wondering what is this we are talking about, the digital space and working with all the infrastructure we are trying to put in place. The single most urgent challenge we have as a nation is millions of young people out of school, out of college, out of university, and they don’t have an opportunity to work.”

“It weighs very heavily on me when you see thousands, hundreds of thousands, possibly millions of young people who, with talent, with energy, with knowledge, with skills, and yet they lack an opportunity to deploy those skills for the growth of our economy and for making their lives better,” Ruto said.

How about the free diapers promise? During the Kenya Kwanza’s Women Charter launch in 2022, Ruto pledged that new mothers would get free diapers for three months’ post-birth.

“Our proposal as Kenya kwanza is to make a part of the charter to provide pre- and post-natal care to all mothers and children, and mothers will be supplied with diapers for the first three months after birth under the NHIF,” he said at Nyayo Stadium.

More than two years, mothers are yet to see this promise come to fruition. But there is more. In March 2023, he announced that prices of the 6kg gas cylinder will be reduced from Sh2,800 to Sh300 within four months.

He promised Kenyans that the prices would range from Sh300 as a minimum to a maximum of Sh500, to reduce the cost of living. He added the new price.

But deep in 2025, the only thing dropping is Kenyans’ patience.

President Ruto also cracked up world leaders during a UN meeting when he invited them to Kenya to experience some ‘wild wonders’ ranging from baboons’ parliamentary meetings to swimming lions.

“If you thought it’s only humans who elect Members of Parliament and have a legislative body, I invite you to go to Naivasha and you will find a phenomenon called the baboon parliament, where baboons meet regularly at a particular place at a particular time and they discuss their legislative issues,” he said.

“And if you have a bit more time, please travel to Lamu, and you will have an opportunity to watch the swimming lions there. And finally, you may want to watch another migration called the whales migration in a place called Tana River,” Ruto promised.

As Ruto keeps on making more promises, Kenyans can only wait; for the dollars, for the chapatis, for the Wi-Fi, newborn diapers and for the day one of these promises will materialise. Until then, they remain entertained.