No, Passaris, start by fixing our lazy parenting

There’s this running joke about the ‘men’s conference’ that supposedly takes place every February.

The late businessman Jackson Kibor was ‘chairman’ and ‘mobiliser’ of this informal grouping of Kenya’s frustrated menfolk. The ‘conference’ often comes with an online buzz that long kicked the Maendeleo ya Wanaume organisation out of relevance. Last year, however, conversations around it got more serious.

Away from banters like dodging Valentine’s Day, real issues surfaced. One was how silence is slowly killing men within their marriages, and how societal pressures are piling up. Matters like femicide and domestic abuse came to the fore as the ‘conference’ pun opened up the space for deep soul-searching. Dialogue is a catalyst for healing. It got me thinking. If only we had such a thing as a national parenting conference! The Gen-Z ‘revolt’ is turning the spotlight on parenting, with many uncomfortable questions: Is the generational ‘rebellion’ a sign of something wrong with how we raise children? Are parents, perhaps, ripe for a moment of reflection?

At Pefa Church Donholm this past Sunday, Pastor Betty Habwe passionately addressed the Gen-Z dilemma. The anxiety surrounding today’s youth, she says, has placed parents at the centre of an emotional storm. From politicians to preachers, fingers are being pointed at what many call a ‘colossal failure’ of parenting. Maybe that’s true, maybe not.

There’s fear that Gen-Zs are less religious, confrontational and fast turning to combative ways of solving problems. We saw what happened on June 25 last year and this year. They use AI and other online skills to ‘kill’ and ‘bury’ leaders. This week, they burnt the Mawego Police Station. Come Monday’s Saba Saba, we wait to see what will happen. Are these good ways to seek answers?  

After every demo, a parent will be grieving somewhere. In response, now, the clergy like Pastor Habwe are pushing for change in unique ways. Her church will be launching a youth-focused service on August 24. “We want to bring young people back to church through what we call ‘Jaza Jesus Christ,’ and the movement is loading,” she says.

Pastor Habwe warns that away from sports spheres, it can be tricky keeping young people engaged in meaningful ways. “We want our Gen-Zs to have their own space even in church. We are raising a generation. We don’t want to raise pagans,” she says in her typically blunt sermon, which her congregation wholeheartedly agrees with.

Unique efforts like these are a perfect start. Creating spaces where youth feel heard, seen and valued is critical. Shoot-to-kill orders won’t work. And as MPs seek ideas, including a Bill by Woman Rep Esther Passaris, to rein in protests, it will still be a slippery path. It isn’t about the law. Measures must include an end to political impunity and more engaged parenting.

That’s why we need a national conversation which will invite parents to open up about their struggles, learn from each other and rethink how they’re raising children. They must huddle behind the tent for older parents to mentor younger ones, and the religious community to instil wisdom. Indeed, today’s parents are raising children in a world shaped by technological change, shifting social norms and overwhelming academic and social pressures. On one hand, parents want to offer love, freedom and independence while encouraging creativity, emotional intelligence and critical thinking. On the other hand, they feel pressured to enforce strict discipline that ensures children remain competitive in the ‘global’ village.

This balancing act often results in internal conflict and guilt, as parents walk on eggshells. It’s called lazy or ‘eggshell’ parenting. We can no longer afford to leave these questions unanswered and wait for the next Gen-Z protests to end in mayhem and national shame.

It’s time for a structured national parenting dialogue, even from county to county. The National Parents Association, created by the Basic Education Act 2013, should rise. It’s not to discuss how things went wrong, but to rebuild from a position of understanding. A stitch in time saves nine.

The writer is a communications practitioner