Prezzo Suluhu's solution to Tz's manufactured crisis is to blame alien 'creatures'
Peter Kimani
By
Peter Kimani
| Nov 07, 2025
I would like to start by apologising for my disappearing acts; this has no bearing whatsoever on my character, I don’t think I am evasive, I have only been on the move.
While I was away, I understand millions of unemployed youths transmogrified into viumbe (creatures) who migrated to major cities of TZ and unleashed such serious vurugu that Prezzo-elect of the Republic of Tanzania, Madam Samia Suluhu Hassan, had to sneak into a military facility, where she was sworn in, after securing a landslide in the recent polls.
Here is the thing: if one enjoys such a popular mandate and yet feels unsafe among the citizenry is what Kenyans like to call kizungumkuti. It means a conundrum. One cannot enjoy one element and lack the other.
When one looks at the totality of Madam Prezzo’s explanation, she might have a point. See, she reportedly secured 98 per cent of the vote, mainly because she was the only one running. All her opponents were consigned to exile or prison.
It appears the viumbe from the unnamed neighbouring country or countries know precisely what is needed to democratise TZ. It means Viumbe, these creatures of indeterminate form, which means they can morph from one form to another, pushed the right buttons.
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There are certain things that Mama Suluhu has assured the world are un-Tanzanian.
I am inclined to concur with her that only the said viumbe could crawl out of the woodwork and descend on TZ, sneak through the borders undetected to go cause mayhem, then fade into thin air and return from whence they came.
Besides disrupting the peace that Tanzanians have enjoyed for the last 64 years of their nationhood, the said viumbe also engaged in ballot stuffing. I wonder what may have been the motivation, given Madam Suluhu was the only one in the run, before taunting the police to shoot them.
Indeed, it is un-Tanzanian for “jeshi la polisi” —I find that coinage to describe the police force to be fascinating— to shoot civilians in the head in response to a mere taunt, but I suspect the same viumbe have something to do with the un-Tanzanian conduct that shows sheer disregard for human life.
As if that wasn’t enough mayhem for one or two days, the same viumbe cut off the Internet, so no one could tell what was going on, or share images of what they had recorded.
I understand TZ authorities are so incensed about the sharing of such images, they are seeking the repatriation of one such kiumbe because sharing of such images is considered to be high treason, like the charge that opposition leader Tundu Lissu is faced with.
This means what TZ folks have accepted to be a defining feature of their nationhood is, quite simply, very un-African. Which brings us to another facet of the world’s response to the un-Tanzanian mayhem in Dar.
Two major entities, the African Union and the regional economic cooperation block, SADC, have declared the conduct of the polls un-democratic. As far as we are aware, Dar has not threatened to deport and debar AU and SADC from its soil, so the two are not categorised as viumbe.
But the two institutions have characterised the events of the past few days as bure kabisa, though using very diplomatic language that viumbe are incapable of.
There is no way of telling how Prezzo Suluhu is likely to respond to the two institutions, but I know what the rest of the world is saying to those who rushed to endorse Dar’s sham polls.
They are saying they are birds of a feather and similarly lack legitimacy in their own countries.
I won’t say much because I don’t want to jeopardise future trips to Dar, a city I used to enjoy, especially the breezy night life.
But what I can say without a shadow of doubt is that Dar will never be the same again, wapende wasipende!