Sharenting: What you need to know

A man holding a baby while using his phone "Our kids are the first generation to grow up shared. We are the first generation of parents to raise kids alongside social media, and that isn't easy," says Prof. Stacey Steinberg, author of Growing Up Shared: How Parents Can Share Smarter on Social Media and What You Can Do to Keep Your Family Safe in a No-Privacy World. Kioko Mutinda and Rita Mutinda are a young couple-Millennials with two kids, a 15-year-old boy and an 11-year-old girl. Kioko and Rita are navigating parenthood in the modern world of social media, smartphones, and other technologies, a task that is anything but easy. According to the couple, the digital space is advancing at a rate that seems to outpace today's children, making it unclear how to use these spaces safely-even with the best intentions. Kioko and Rita have been sharing their parenting journey on social media, creating memories of their experiences. According to tech experts, many parents and caregivers find it fashionable to share about their children through pictures and texts (some run blogs) because they want to include family and friends in the most joyful moments of their lives. However, this is often done without involving or seeking the children's permission, especially in the case of teens and young adults. Kioko and Rita engaged in this practice until they learned about "sharenting." They say they no longer share the same enthusiasm after realizing the potential flaws of this practice and its impact on their young children. "Sharenting has taken over the traditional space of sharing our lives and experiences during family visits and events like Christmas and Easter gatherings, where everything was kept within the family or other closed groups," says Rita. Kioko adds that this is no longer the case, pointing out that today's parents often share about their children outside the family circle-whether it's a post on social media with a picture, a blog entry about their child, or a video recording shared on platforms like TikTok, Instagram, or WhatsApp. What is Sharenting? Sharenting is what parents do when they talk about their children outside the family circle, particularly through the use of social media-such as sharing a post with a picture, a blog entry about their child, or a video on a messaging platform like Instagram or other social media outlets. The term "sharenting" was coined by Wall Street Journal writer Steven Leckart in the early 2010s. It was included in the Oxford English Dictionary in 2022. "When parents share about their children online without involving them in the decision-making process, we miss a valuable opportunity to teach them the importance of seeking consent before displaying them on social media," says Peter Korir, a tech expert. He emphasizes that even young children, as early as five years old, need to grasp the concept of consent. According to Korir, everyone values autonomy, and this is true regardless of age. For example, a four or five-year-old might prefer to wear a pink dress over a red one, and a 12-year-old might want to be seen holding their grandmother's hand, while another might not. Korir points out that what may seem like a small thing to a parent could be significant to a child. If a parent documents such moments on social media without the child's consent, it can infringe on the child's feelings and sense of autonomy. "However, this small thing to an adult matters to the child, as they too have feelings, and we need to leave space for them to express themselves. Young children cannot give informed consent about sharing," he says. Kioko and Rita found it "fancy and trendy" to share their parenting journey digitally until they stumbled upon Stacey Steinberg's bestseller, Growing Up Shared: How Parents Can Share Smarter on Social Media and What You Can Do to Keep Your Family Safe in a No-Privacy World. "Reading this book opened our eyes to the fact that we were entwining Ken's and Naomi's (their children) lives with our identities, whereas they both have their feelings," says Kioko, adding that sharing about themselves (the parents) is one thing, but sharing about others in their home is something entirely different. The Flipside of Sharenting Prof. Steinberg, a mother of two, explains that the first thing parents should consider when sharing content about their children is the potential harm that can result from having their details and lives shared online. She warns of the dangers posed by data brokers who might use this shared content to create digital dossiers on children, predicting their future actions, behaviours, or health issues. "When we share about our children online without involving them in that decision-making process, we're missing out on the valuable opportunity to teach our children and model for them the idea of consent, and to show them that we value privacy," she says. Rita reflects on their past sharing of overly personal information, including embarrassing stories and pictures they once thought were funny. They now realize they didn't pause to consider their children's perspective. Prof. Steinberg advises parents not to share pictures of their children in any state of undress, as there are bad actors who might misuse the content. She emphasizes the importance of talking to children about what parents are sharing and the process they go through to decide if something is appropriate to share. Tips on Sharenting Sharing children's content online is never 100% safe-it's about balancing the risks and what parents perceive as the benefits. Remember, some adults may want to interact with or harm your child because of content they've seen online. If you plan to share, consider: The audience you are sharing with: What are your privacy settings on your social media profiles? How well do you know the people you've added as friends or followers? How much information you are sharing: Are you including locations or identifiable features like school logos? Could the information be embarrassing or harmful to your children now or in the future? If you've already shared a lot about your children and are having second thoughts, the first step is to review what you've shared in the past and start addressing it. There is help available to guide you through this process. If your children are around 9-10 years old, involve them in the process of going through social media feeds and deleting things that are no longer relevant to them. Make a habit of doing this regularly, every few months. Have honest conversations with your friends and extended family about your sharing preferences. Remember, sharing information about children on social media is a relatively new phenomenon, and not everyone has given the issue equal attention.

Sharenting: What you need to know

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