Men reclaim their turf

A phone call came in the middle of a virtual meeting. It was Julius, a loyal client who had permanently relocated to Thika.

By Ted Malanda 1 month ago

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Donald Trump has set glittering standards for African leaders

Trump has set new glittering standards for African leaders.

By Ted Malanda 2 months ago

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Broad-based families are here to stay whether deputy Jesus likes it or not

Kanyari may not be your conventional clergyman.

By Ted Malanda 2 months ago

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Army won't be cowed: Grenadiers' slow march and marijuana don't go together

KDF kicked out 1,500 recruits from army training school for walking into a military establishment with traces of marijuana in their veins.

By Ted Malanda 2 months ago

Burglars thrive on capture, release enforcement method

Burglars, as a rule, only strike when the homeowner is away. They don't report to work armed, nor do they maim, kill or gang-rape their benefactors.

By Ted Malanda 2 months ago

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Why kienyeji chickens have become long on the beak and short on muscle

The once-delicious 'kienyeji' chicken has become long on the beak and short on muscle

By Ted Malanda 2 months ago

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Dear Gen Z, there's no democracy in police service

First, all jobs come with occupational hazards, but police work is the craziest.

By Ted Malanda 2 months ago

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CGH? Given Raila's stature just imagine if he became president

Would Kenya be an envy of many given his stand on democracy, human rights and justice? How would he have fought graft now that the few times he was in charge of a docket, he delivered?

By Ted Malanda 3 months ago

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Never was a Kenyan political hero so beloved by those he led

Government leaders and security teams including the military has never looked so helpless in face of mourning.Security breach after breach threatened the state funeral of Raila Odinga.

By Ted Malanda 3 months ago

President's Award-Kenya is a gem that shouldn't be dissolved

The President's Award Scheme, has benefitted half a million Kenyans aged 14 to 24 by encouraging them to acquire positive life skills through physical activity and volunteering within communities.

By Ted Malanda 11 months ago

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Why social media miscreants deserve no mercy

From fake presidential election tallies, fake alerts about abductions to misleading congratulatory messages for candidates said to have won but who did not, the social media space has become toxic

By Ted Malanda 3 years ago

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The success story of mediation in resolving lengthy court processes

Since mediation was introduced in Nakuru in 2019, some 105 out of 370 cases referred from court have been resolved.

By Ted Malanda 3 years ago

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Mwai Kibaki: Kenya's most underestimated and misunderstood politician

Mwai Kibaki, the ‘gentleman of Kenyan politics’ was no coward, but a patient, calculating, ruthless and hunting political machine.

By Ted Malanda 3 years ago

Mormons to build 'magnificent' temple

The temple, one of five in Africa, will serve an approximate 39,000 people and other faithful spread across Uganda, Tanzania, Rwanda and South Sudan.

By Ted Malanda 4 years ago

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Time Kenya changed her name to Kelelestan

Your pub is bound to sound like an asylum – six television sets broadcasting two different football leagues and four Naija movies.

By Ted Malanda 4 years ago

Playing with fire has always been a national pastime in these parts

I shudder to imagine the horror and terror of being smack in the middle of a petroleum explosion.

By Ted Malanda 4 years ago

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Circumcision has never been so overrated

I have had reason to question whether I should have been a skirt wearer; the logic being that a man is circumcised to be fearless, immune to suffering

By Ted Malanda 4 years ago

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Government is that hapless parent who gave up on rogue children

I also don’t mind actual government employees who only turn up to ghost around government premises, sniffing government oxygen.

By Ted Malanda 4 years ago

Sometimes, the old ways are the best

Unlike hotels where you can be ordered to peel potatoes if you are unable to pay the bill, what the heck do you do at a petrol station? Fix punctures?

By Ted Malanda 4 years ago

Blimey, we are now naming elephants!

I wonder how they will feel when elephants named after them are shot dead by rangers

By Ted Malanda 4 years ago

Don’t waste university degrees on politicians, give them to voters

If voters were better educated, wananchi would not turn up at political rallies to be entertained by educated politicians with two left feet.

By Ted Malanda 4 years ago

Anecdotes from decades of long distance travel

I have endured bogus preachers and seen hawkers shove frilly, wild coloured innerwear in old people’s faces at bus stops.

By Ted Malanda 4 years ago

Your greatest achievement in life is surviving the madness of youth

Surviving the idiocies, recklessness, madness and the know-it-all foolishness of youth is the biggest achievement of your life.

By Ted Malanda 4 years ago

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Stupidity is driving around with empty fuel can and cash in pocket

When I bought my first car, which was an awfully foolish thing to do because I couldn’t afford one, I did what every smart man does.

By Ted Malanda 4 years ago

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Bachelor’s degrees? Prof Magoha, just get rid of all of them please

So by training, I am supposed to be familiar with matters related to the Bachelor of Education degree.

By Ted Malanda 4 years ago

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The rich are eating like rabbits while the poor take fat like kings

What I can’t fathom, however, is why what economists would call ‘Kenya’s potbelly per capita’ is rising when the Kenyan economy is shrinking.

By Ted Malanda 4 years ago

Kenya reeling from a crisis of language

The crisis of language is a national phenomenon. We neither write nor speak decent English.

By Ted Malanda 4 years ago

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Women want polyandry by the horns? Big deal, give it to them!

A progressive Bill that allows women to acquire more than two husbands. Polyandry, it is called.

By Ted Malanda 4 years ago

Why you should keep off any spat between Kisiis, Kurias

Never get caught up in a Kisii-Kuria brawl

By Ted Malanda 4 years ago

Marriage is great when the husband is not home

Love is a beautiful thing, but you can’t miss someone who is always breathing down your nose.

By Ted Malanda 4 years ago

Kenya and Uganda could as well be one country, or maybe not

Culturally, our people are so in sync that even before our presidents signed memoranda, we have always traversed either country.

By Ted Malanda 4 years ago

If the human race goes extinct, it will be good riddance

The moment all-male promulgation instruments are neutered, the rat race will end.

By Ted Malanda 4 years ago

Nabongo was a British collaborator? Tell that to the birds

His wisdom in conning the British to fight his battles has long been vindicated.

By Ted Malanda 4 years ago

Cartels thrive in filth and confusion, just like roddents

You don’t have to gun down or jail brokers and cartels. Just clean up the filth.

By Ted Malanda 4 years ago

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Divorce at midnight and the long sneaky arm of the law

"I have heard many reasons for a midnight divorce but had no clue that kifo cha mende was one of them"

By Ted Malanda 4 years ago

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You will not see heaven if you don’t know people

Our colonial masters stole our land, alright, but they left behind a pretty solid civil service, which these oldies, whom we love dearly, messed up.

By Ted Malanda 4 years ago

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We have PhDs whose education was waste of resources – Dr Njoki Maina

She earned a doctorate in medical and molecular genetics at 27, chose the University of Nairobi over Harvard and speaks impeccable sheng

By Ted Malanda 5 years ago

Whites are ‘animal lovers,’ but Africans dismissed as witches

He says Kenyan universities have become repositories of intellectual rigidity and severely limited intellectual space

By Ted Malanda 5 years ago

Dr Wameyo: Humble vet who loved his job and life

Kenneth was a child of privilege whose father was an assistant minister, yet he was the simplest of beings.

By Ted Malanda 6 years ago

Echesa: Self-made power-man loses glitter as fast as he came

Nabongo Mumia, who ruled swathes of land from Naivasha to parts of Western Uganda, never stepped inside a classroom.

By Ted Malanda 6 years ago